Gonu Jha’s Revenge on the Barber / गोनू झा आ हजाम

Documented by Coralynn V. Davis and Carlos Gomez
Transcription by Nidhi Anand and Translation by Neeraj Kumar
Translation edits by Coralynn V. Davis

Teller: Sheela Devi
Location: Jitwarpur
Date: 9/13/16

September 13, 2016: Session A4
Maithili Folklore 16_09_13_a_4

View the transcription in Maithili.

आर कहु, एकटा भ गेल। आर कोन अइछ अहां के। सबसे बेसी नीक कोन लगइयै, से कहु ने, अहां नइ कहब, ओ कहती। 

कोन लगइयै नीक। बेटा, कही, माछ वाला कहि, दही, सुना दही। कही न। अच्छा अहीं सुना दियौ, कोन छै माछ वाला। हुनका बड़ा नीक लगइ छैन,  गोनु झा के माछ वाला। ओ माछ खेने रहथिन त। नइ गोनु झा गेलखीन, उ हाट जाइत रहथिन त हुनकर बुढ़ मां रहथिन कि ने, त कहलखिन कि ई अहां सुननेहो हेबै।  हां हम सबटा खिस्सा सुनने छी, गोनु झा के। 

त गोनु झा माछ लै अथी हाट जाइत रहत, त मां कहलखिन हुनकर हउ बौआ कनी माछ नेने अबीहैं रोहू वाला खरीद क, त कहे ठीक मां नेने आयब।  

गेल हाट, त रोहू माछ खरीदलक। अबइत रहै हजमा लालची। हजमा के माछ देख क लालच आइब गेलए, कहइ छथिन, मालिक इ कतअ ल जाइ छथिन, चिचिया लगलए मालिक मालिक, यौउ मालिक यौउ मालिक।  खूब काना लागल त कहइ छथिन जे रौअ हजमा कि भेलौ अ। कि कहु मालिक इ कतअ ल जाइ छी, मां त छला से शांत भ गेल। त कहइ छथिन कि रौउ हजमा आब त हमरा छुतका भ गेल। हम इ कि करब आफत त तुहैं ल जो बना क खा लिहैं। 

आ मां हुनकर बेरा ताकि रहल है, जे आब माछ ल के ऐत तब माछ ल के ऐत। बूढ़ सूढ़ के त कते अथी होइयै। ताले घर आयल त कहे है बौआ माछ नइ लेलौ, त कि कहे हय मां आइ हाट पर माछ एकोटा नइ छलै,  माछ बिक गेल छलै।  कि कहितय । कहलकय जो हजमा तू ठकलैं हमरा आब हम तोरा केना ठकइ छियौ से देखी। हजमा कि केलक, अथी गोनु झा कि केलक, त उ अपन फुटहा फुटही खुब खै लागल, भुजा भुजी खुब भुइज के खै लागल आ उ अपन पोन में नूरा ठूईस लेलक। 

हां पोन में नूरा ठूईस लेलक आ फुटहा खै लागल।  ई लैटिंग (शौच) नइ करइ यै, कहिओ नइ लैटिंग करै। एकरा खूब लैटिंग जब खूब लाइग गेलए त कहलक कि आब नइ बरदाश्त होत से आब हजमा के बजेबहे परत।

 उ नौकर दिया समाद देलक जो हजमा के फलना हजमा के बजेने आ। हजमा ऐल, मालिक यौउ कि भेल यौउ मालिक।  कि कहियौ रऊ हजमा जहिया स तू माछ लेलैं तहि दिन एलिओ ओहि दिन स एतेटा के गुड़ घाव भ गेल। न ऐने घुरल होइयै, न ओने घुरल होइयै, कि कहियौ। मालिक देखू कतअ है। कहलकय ऐना नइ देख तू, जो खटिया तर में । आ हमरा त उ कर नए घुरल होए, एह मालिक देखिए, हे हे हे, नइ हो, रऊ नइ हो रऊ। 

खूब नाटक करै । त कहलकय अच्छा ठीक है मालिक उ तर में जा क कहलकय कि ठीक है मालिक कहाँ है घाव तरे स उ नूरा खीच लेलक। जहां खीचलक कि पूरा गंदा ओकरा पेट में क देलकए। त कहलकय जो हजमा जो आब माछ निकइल गेलौ जो माछ निकललौ। भाग एता से तू हमरा ठकने छलैं देखी हम केहन ठकलिओ। 

बुझलिए। 

हमर नानी कहि छलखिन जे माछ खेलैं तू, त ई के खेतौ। हाँ।  

Tell us another. One is complete. Which other you have? Which one do you like most, tell us that one. Not you. Rather, she should tell us the story.

Which one do you like? Hey, son, tell the story, the one about fish. Tell them, won’t you! Come on, tell it.. Fine. You yourself tell us the story, the one about fish. She loves this story a lot, the one about fish. Didn’t she eat fish? Gonu Jha was going to the market and his old mother… 

You must have listened to this story, no? 

Yes, I have heard all his stories, Gonu Jha’s. 

All right.. As it happened that Gonu Jha was going to market, so his mother asked him, “Could you please buy some rohu fish in the market?” Gonu Jha responded, “Sure. I will.” Then Gonu Jha left. He bought rohu fish. On his way home, he saw the local barber — who he knew well to be greedy –coming his way. The barber wanted to snatch his fish, so he started following him, shouting, “my lord, my lord* where are you taking this fish?”  Then started crying. Gonu Jha asks him,”What is the matter?” The barber lying, said to him, “Actually, your mother has just died.” Hearing this, Gonu Jha became sad and told him to accept the fish he  had been carrying home. “Please take it all. You can eat it. It’s a burden to me now. Owing to the death rites I mustn’t eat fish).”

Meanwhile, back at home, Gonu Jha’s mother was waiting for him, thinking that her son would be back any moment carrying the fish. You know how old folks ladies can get impatient at times.    

Now when he was back, his mother queried, “Son, didn’t you bring fish?” Gonu Jha was contemplating what to tell his mother. He said, “I couldn’t find even one fish; by the time I arrived, they were all sold out.” What could the poor chap have replied. He vowed to himself that now he would trick the barber in turn. Now, what Gonu Jha did was that he started eating a lot of fibre-rich food, snacks and such things and jammed his anus with a mound of cloth so as to stop his shit from coming out.

Yes, he actually did this and kept eating more and more fibre-rich food.  He didn’t go to the bathroom for many days, and when he couldn’t bear it any longer, he told himself, ” I can’t bear this any longer. I must call the barber now.”

He sent his servant to call the barber. The barber came to Gonu Jha’s home. The barber then asks him, “What has happened, my lord?” Gonu Jha replied “What to say I have had a painful wart in my anus since the day I gave you the fish. This wart is simply not allowing me to turn sideways. What more to say?” Then the barber said, “Could you please let me see it, my lord?” Gonu Jha replied, “Not this way. You will have to go under my cot to be able to see my wart.” The barber was not very willing to go under the cot. “Oh! Please, don’t be like that. Please, let me see that from here.” The barber kept repeating himself. But Gonu Jha had a plan. Finally, the barber agreed. He went under the cot,started probing, and asked, “Where is your wound?” unknowingly pulling out the wad of cloth from Gonu Jha’s anus. As he pulled out the cloth, the whole lot of shit came out rushing out, splattering all over his stomach. Then Gonu Jha told the barber, “You grabbed my fish. Now you have this in return. Get lost. You fooled me; now you see how I have fooled you in return!”

OK, you got the story?

My maternal grandmother used to tell me: You ate the fish, so why would anybody else eat this (shit). Yes.

*The original, Maalik, implies loyal subservience.